Sure sign you're teaching in Vermont.

"Hey, Mr. Curmudgeon.  I won't be in on Thurday or Friday.  My family is going hunting.  I'm hoping to get a moose."

Teacher Training?

"Mr. C, I want to be teacher."
Then your entrance exam is to decode this.  If you can make sense of this, you are ready to be a teacher.

h/t to Pissed Off!

Stupid, just Stupid.

Business Insider has a Chart-of-the-Day that I subscribe to.  It's usually bland and stupid, some line chart or pie chart, but occasionally the editors commit some total bonehead move and choose the wrong type of graph or mess up somehow. Equally rarely, they produce a wonderful one, with some really cool data.  I use it to let my students see that their choices and mistakes are not uncommon but that you risk looking silly if you misuse Excel.

The page has links to other business-related stuff, which is why I brought it up.  Here is an amazing picture-story combination.  Any thoughts?

In the running for HIP

"A third-grader in a small Texas school district received a week's detention for merely possessing a Jolly Rancher. Leighann Adair, 10, was eating lunch Monday when a teacher confiscated the candy. Her parents said she was in tears when she arrived home later that afternoon and handed them the detention notice. But school officials are defending the sentence, saying the school was abiding by a state guideline that banned 'minimal nutrition' foods. 'Whether or not I agree with the guidelines, we have to follow the rules,' said school superintendent Jack Ellis."

Because you're an idiot?

Not all percussionists are talented

Some are built.

Value-Added Teacher Evaluation

The Value of Value-Added By Rick Hess Original
I've been meaning to do a longer postmortem on Florida's Senate Bill 6. As I've noted before, I enthusiastically supported it even though I thought it a deeply flawed bill. The flaw? Its ham-fisted attempt to strip out one set of anachronistic strictures (governing tenure and step-and-lane pay scales) only to replace it with a set of test-driven processes that were almost equally troubling.

Don't you love it? He spends most of the post pointing out flaws but he was for it anyway. I can almost hear him say "Yes, Russian Roulette is a dangerous game, but let's play anyway. Here's my automatic. You go first."

Actually, Rick, I have a better idea. Let's run this model on your paycheck first. Then we can talk.

Humor for History Teachers

Reality Bites, And So Do Customers
Historical Site | Delaware, OH, USA
(I work at a historical site of the civil war, dressing and acting as if we were still in that time period)

Tourist: “Is that fire real?”
Me: “Yes.”
Tourist: “Is the water you’re drinking real?”
Me: “Yes.”
Tourist: “Are your clothes real?”
Me: “Yes.”
Tourist: “Are you real?”
Me: “Yes.”
Tourist: “This place isn’t very interesting.”

Stupid Is Just The Tip Of The Iceberg
Museum | Connecticut, USA
(I work as an artifacts specialist at an exhibit featuring artifacts from the Titanic wreck. We also have a large “iceberg” to show people how cold the water was the night the ship sank.)

Customer: “So is this the actual iceberg that sank the Titanic?”
Me: “No, it’s just a frosted piece of plastic to show how cold the water was.”
Customer: “So where in this place is the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?”

The Highly Ineffective Principal is Usurped.

There are so many things wrong here, I just don't know what to say. Hold on, I DO know what to say. I think these folk have usurped the title of Most Highly Ineffective Principal. If you can't teach 'em, suspend 'em!

• School Officials: Grow Up. If this is the extent of his "intimidation," then you need to seriously reconsider your actions. If he made other students uncomfortable, then you need to talk to him and to them and help everyone understand the meaning of "Play" and appropriate things. If this is too complicated for you adults, then you should quit your position and get a job you can handle. Like maybe at Burger King.
  
• Momma: Grow Up. You're the Adult. Teach your son how to behave. If they've complained about this behavior for several months and you've ignored it, then you have also failed as a parent. You have to realize the school is unwilling to do (or incapable of doing) this. Teach him proper behavior. Nobody cares if your son isn't violent at home - we all know what a special little snowflake he is, unique and wonderful.

Say it with me again, "Zero Tolerance means Zero Intelligence."

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Ionia kindergartner suspended for making gun with hand
By Brian McVicar The Grand Rapids Press
March 04, 2010, 10:39PM
IONIA -- To the little boy's mother, it was just a 6-year-old boy playing around.
But when Mason Jammer, a kindergarten student at Jefferson Elementary in Ionia, curled his fist into the shape of a gun Wednesday and pointed it at another student, school officials said it was no laughing matter. They suspended Mason until Friday, saying the behavior made other students uncomfortable, said Erin Jammer, Mason's mother. School officials allege Mason had displayed this kind of behavior for several months, despite numerous warnings. "I do think it's too harsh for a six-year-old," said Jammer, who was previously warned that if Mason continued the practice he would be suspended. "He's six and he just likes to play." Jammer says her son isn't violent, and there are other, more effective ways of teaching him not to make a gun with his hand. "Maybe what you could do is take his recess away," suggested Jammer, adding her son doesn't have toy guns at home. "He's only six and he doesn't understand any of this."

Politicians can't Do Math, or Risk Analysis

Based on absolutely no evidence other than a nagging feeling that there might be something in that whiny voter's complaint, a Maine senator wants force companies to put a warning sticker on the back of all cellphones, warning of radiation.

Let me summarize:
1) Some low-grade moron has a vague feeling that the tiny bit of radiation from the cellphone is dangerous because you held it to your head for 400 minutes a month (0.8% of the time for a radio transmission that MIGHT travel 3 miles) yet the radio transmissions from all those radio stations are okay (for signals that travel a couple hundred miles and are broadcasting 24/7/365 -- right through your head).
2) No one has been able to show causation in studies. In fact, most of them show that cellphone users have a LOWER brain cancer rate than non-users.
3) Handheld or not, the cellphone is as dangerous to use while driving as four shots of whiskey in a teenager. (DUI crash rates are on par with cellphone crash rates)
4) texting while driving is something like 25times as dangerous as driving with friends piled in the car, and 6-8 times as dangerous as DUI.
5) the sound levels on iPods and other MP3 players drastically reduce the attention and awareness of the teenage driver. Surprisingly, playing the radio does not have nearly the same effect.

Given all that, they want to warn about cancer.

Spare me.

reposted Yahoo article below the fold:


By GLENN ADAMS, Associated Press Writer Glenn Adams, Associated Press Writer – Sun Dec 20, 12:07 pm ET

AUGUSTA, Maine – A Maine legislator wants to make the state the first to require cell phones to carry warnings that they can cause brain cancer, although there is no consensus among scientists that they do and industry leaders dispute the claim.

The now-ubiquitous devices carry such warnings in some countries, though no U.S. states require them, according to the National Conference of State Legislators. A similar effort is afoot in San Francisco, where Mayor Gavin Newsom wants his city to be the nation's first to require the warnings.

Maine Rep. Andrea Boland, D-Sanford, said numerous studies point to the cancer risk, and she has persuaded legislative leaders to allow her proposal to come up for discussion during the 2010 session that begins in January, a session usually reserved for emergency and governors' bills.

Boland herself uses a cell phone, but with a speaker to keep the phone away from her head. She also leaves the phone off unless she's expecting a call. At issue is radiation emitted by all cell phones.

Under Boland's bill, manufacturers would have to put labels on phones and packaging warning of the potential for brain cancer associated with electromagnetic radiation. The warnings would recommend that users, especially children and pregnant women, keep the devices away from their head and body.

The Federal Communications Commission, which maintains that all cell phones sold in the U.S. are safe, has set a standard for the "specific absorption rate" of radiofrequency energy, but it doesn't require handset makers to divulge radiation levels.

The San Francisco proposal would require the display of the absorption rate level next to each phone in print at least as big as the price. Boland's bill is not specific about absorption rate levels, but would require a permanent, nonremovable advisory of risk in black type, except for the word "warning," which would be large and in red letters. It would also include a color graphic of a child's brain next to the warning.

While there's little agreement about the health hazards, Boland said Maine's roughly 950,000 cell phone users among its 1.3 million residents "do not know what the risks are."

All told, more than 270 million people subscribed to cellular telephone service last year in the United States, an increase from 110 million in 2000, according to CTIA-The Wireless Association. The industry group contends the devices are safe.

"With respect to the matter of health effects associated with wireless base stations and the use of wireless devices, CTIA and the wireless industry have always been guided by science, and the views of impartial health organizations. The peer-reviewed scientific evidence has overwhelmingly indicated that wireless devices do not pose a public health risk," said CTIA's John Walls.

James Keller of Lewiston, whose cell phone serves as his only phone, seemed skeptical about warning labels. He said many things may cause cancer but lack scientific evidence to support that belief. Besides, he said, people can't live without cell phones.

"It seems a little silly to me, but it's not going to hurt anyone to have a warning on there. If they're really concerned about it, go ahead and put a warning on it," he said outside a sporting good store in Topsham. "It wouldn't deter me from buying a phone."

While there's been no long-term studies on cell phones and cancer, some scientists suggest erring on the side of caution.

Last year, Dr. Ronald B. Herberman, director emeritus of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute, sent a memo to about 3,000 faculty and staff members warning of risks based on early, unpublished data. He said that children should use the phones only for emergencies because their brains were still developing and that adults should keep the phone away from the head and use a speakerphone or a wireless headset.

Herberman, who says scientific conclusions often take too long, is one of numerous doctors and researchers who have endorsed an August report by retired electronics engineer L. Lloyd Morgan. The report highlights a study that found significantly increased risk of brain tumors from 10 or more years of cell phone or cordless phone use.

Also, the BioInitiative Working Group, an international group of scientists, notes that many countries have issued warnings and that the European Parliament has passed a resolution calling for governmental action to address concerns over health risks from mobile phone use.

But the National Cancer Institute said studies thus far have turned up mixed and inconsistent results, noting that cell phones did not come into widespread use in the United States until the 1990s.

"Although research has not consistently demonstrated a link between cellular telephone use and cancer, scientists still caution that further surveillance is needed before conclusions can be drawn," according to the Cancer Institute's Web site.

Motorola Inc., one of the nation's major wireless phone makers, says on its Web site that all of its products comply with international safety guidelines for radiofrequency energy exposure.

A Motorola official referred questions to CTIA.

Teacher Magnet School is Bad

h/t to Darren,

Students at the Teacher Training Magnet School don't understand math, or English for that matter?

Crenshaw Senior High 5010 11th Ave., Los Angeles, 90043
» Schoolwide Performance California Standards Test (STAR)
Students scoring proficient or above: English 18.9% Math 2.3%
# Students in advanced math: 15%

No Child Left Behind (AYP)
Fail: Missed 16 of 23 federal targets for 2009
Fail: Missed 25 of 25 federal targets for 2008
Fail: Missed 16 of 22 federal targets for 2007

SAT Reasoning Test Composite Average 1098
Math: 363 Verbal: 367 Writing: 368
Source: state data reported for 238 participants

How is this possible? An average of 363 means that some were higher and some were lower. The standard deviation for the SAT is about 100 points. Think about that. Then consider that these folks are in the teacher training program.

This is Crenshaw Teacher Training Magnet School.

---

LA's 141 Magnet Schools, Ranked in Ascending Order.
(percentages are percent proficient in Math, English

Dorsey Police Academy Magnet 0.0% 16.3%
Washington Communication Arts Magnet 0.0% 29.8%
Crenshaw Teacher Training Magnet 1.1% 28.6%
Washington Music Academy Magnet 1.2% 45.5%
Washington Math/Science/Technology Magnet 2.1% 36.5%
Fremont Math/Science/Technology Magnet 3.7% 39.8%
Dorsey Math/Science/Technology Magnet 4.4% 38.3%
Jordan Math/Science/Technology Magnet 4.9% 45.1%
Wilson Police Academy Magnet 5.0% 25.0%
Dorsey Law/Public Service Magnet 5.6% 36.6%
Manual Arts College Prep Magnet 7.0% 30.9%
Wilson Administrative Law Magnet 7.5% 44.9%
...

Teacher Training Magnet is one of the worst. Couldn't see that coming.

A 1, and a 2, and a 1, 2, 3, 4 !

Here we go!! When you can't fix the students, change SOMETHING.

From The Associated Press
SPOKANE, Wash. —

Spokane elementary schools switch to number grades

Parents looking at elementary school report cards this week in Spokane are seeing 4-3-2-or-1 instead of A-B-C-D-or-F. Schools have switched to a number-based grading system they say better records student standards and assessments.

The Spokesman-Review reports 4 means consistently extending knowledge; 3 means meeting standards; 2 means approaching standards; and 1 means below standards.

After three years of testing at six schools, the new system was implemented this year at all elementaries in the Spokane district. A learning services specialist who led the change, Tammy Campbell, says number grading gives parents a clearer picture of where their child stands.

This is SOOO much better. Now, you can't just assign a fake and inaccurate A, B or F. Instead, you have to give a much more authentic and fairer 4, 3, 2, or 1.

And I've always appreciated the "1=Below" being somehow different from the "2=Approaching but still below." Aren't all failing students below standard students "approaching" the standard? Does anyone think that giving a kid a "1" is going to make anything any better than giving him an "F"?

Vick and Nike

ESPN:

Michael Vick is back with Nike more than two years after the company severed ties over the quarterback’s involvement in a dogfighting ring. The managing director of the agency that represents Vick announced the deal yesterday. Michael Principe of BEST referred questions to Vick’s agent, Joel Segal, who said: “Mike has a longstanding great relationship with Nike and he looks forward to continue in that relationship.”

Money talks.

Spreading the Joke - Classrooms in the Movies

Huston's list is here, and repeated below.
Classrooms in the Movies ...

1. …never have more students than desks.
2. …have every student in class, every day.
3. …have mostly the same group of kids at the end of the year as they had on the first day of school. If someone moves in or out, it’s a big event.
4. …have some loud or obnoxious students, but only because they want attention. Inside, they’re all decent people who just need someone to reach out and understand them. None of them are consciously choosing to act like jerks or thugs, and all of them are secretly very, very bright, once you get to know them.
5. …never have more than one kid having a serious emotional crisis at a time. Once that issue is resolved, another kid can have a problem.
6. …never have any students who have been mainstreamed into that class due to politically correct special ed policies. They certainly don’t have ten of them.
7. …never actually seem to do much intensive studying, drilling, or practice. All those feel-good group discussions of emotional discovery someone produce students who achieve very well academically.
8. …are always full of students who look well groomed, healthy, and alert, despite involvement with broken homes, poverty, gangs, and substance abuse. No student in a movie looks or acts any differently than, say, your average young Hollywood actor. For some reason.
9. …are always full of curious young adults who, despite being hard-partying hedonists, speak with the kind of vocabularies that, oddly enough, Hollywood screenwriters would have. They all know the difference between Teddy Roosevelt and Franklin Roosevelt. They know their times tables. They can read for more than five minutes without falling asleep.
10. …rarely have students who come to school high. If they do, they’re just good, smart goofballs who do it for a laugh. All ends well.
11. …never have students who refuse to take the medication prescribed by their psychiatrist.
12. …never have students who bounce back and forth between the classroom and juvenile hall.
13. …are staffed by teachers who can magically command attention with a single request, who enjoy instant rapport with their students, and whose off the wall teaching ideas always work like a charm. They’re certainly more effective than the crusty, strict teachers, who are invariably the villains.

This list seems incomplete ;-)

Might I add ...
... seem to be staffed with teachers who only have one prep.
... have teachers who don't have a life other than school.
... don't ever get interrupted by announcements over the intercom right when the teacher is about to make a really, good point. "Pardon the interruption, the girl's soccer team will leave at 2:40 instead of 2:30."
... don't seem to have kids leave early for appointments, sports.
... never seem to have students go to the counselors office to discuss their difficulties in THAT class.
... never seem to have appointments to miss class to meet with a counselor about the proper ways to prepare for college and to pass their high school classes.
... don't seem to go on field trips in their other classes. "Please excuse..."
... don't take five days to do AYP testing ... and don't eliminate swaths of course material in order to practice test-taking skills.
... don't have a new principal every two years.
Expanding on #6
... don't ever seem to be a homogeneous class of students who are below average.
... has one kid who must really be a misunderstood genius. and he is. Instead of being a whiny, self-important little brat.
... don't seem to have the selfish, overbearing helicopter parents. They're all fighting against an oppressive school system that's just wrong about their kid.

But I am probably repeating things now.

Self-Loving Trucker Flips Rig, Loses Load

Self-Loving Trucker Flips Rig, Loses Load
By FRANK HEINZ
Mon, Sep 28, 2009

A German trucker flipped his rig in western Sweden last week and admitted to police to pleasuring himself at the time of the accident, a Swedish newspaper reports.

The unbelievably unsatisfied trucker proceeded to continue to masturbate while discussing the accident with police, the paper reported.

"He was masturbating while the police interrogated him," police prosecutor Åsa Askenbäck told the newspaper. "He has admitted that he was not paying full attention at the time of the accident. He was playing with himself instead of focusing on the road."

The crash closed lanes of the highway in both directions as the debris was cleared from the roadway.

According to the paper, "The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick and was subsequently arrested for reckless driving and driving while under the influence of drugs."

The trucker admitted to all charges levied against him, including sexual molestation, the paper reported. It is not clear what penalty the man may face, but a stiff fine is possible.